I just wanted to note

That I am the very model of self-restraint and discipline.
Have I used this space to rant about the worst haircut I've ever received? (This past Saturday, by the way.)
No.
Have I complained about how difficult it is to find a new pair of jeans (ones that aren't paint-splattered and/or have strange washes where the faux wear patterns are implausible and impractical for the washing machine)?
No.

See, for all those who doubt that I have self-control, here is proof.

These animals, on the other hand...

Can you imagine how Catullus' blog would read?